There is always an element of perspective when we struggle. We are often “in” the most difficult times, what we are dealing with, struggling with is often the most difficult thing we’ve faced. Getting to college was the difficulty I was facing… getting in, finding the funds, dealing with literally striking out on my own by leaving home. Once I was in college… passing my classes, pledging, being an activist, shaping my adult identity. Once I left college, striking out even farther by moving across the country with the suitcases my mom and I could carry on the plane, no longer “acting” the adult but actually having to be the adult. In grad school, conducting research and completing my thesis even after my adviser let me know he was no longer interested in the science I was doing. Once I graduated school for the second time, finding and keeping a job that didn’t make me want to crawl under my bed, paying the bills, figuring out what the hell to next. And now, I have (by a pure combination of luck and chance) found the man that I love, that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and we’re starting our new life together. That now is the hardest thing I have face to date, there is nothing less romantic or relationship-promoting than vendor contracts and bankers and mortgage applications especially when dealing with individuals who not only encompass the very definition of rude but actually relish in the opportunity to subject that rudeness to all around.
I’ll admit that earlier today I was quite ready and very close to that snapping point… and what was it that gave me perspective? oddly, interestingly, i had received my blockbuster movies in the mail. I wasn’t really in the mood for movie about Hunter Thompson, not today. I can’t remember why I even rented Lars and the Girl in the first place, that one is going right back tomorrow. But the last envelope had Rent. Rent, but the live broadway version filmed on the last day that is ran. If you haven’t seen Rent, I would definitely recommend it, either the movie or the filmed broadway show. Very few things give better perspective to what’s truly important than that story. The petty woman at the bank, petty and not worth my aggravation. The annoying florist who doesn’t understand that when I tell him I’ve booked another florist that means I am no longer interested in receiving his DAILY emails asking me if I’ve booked a florist yet, not worth my time. Individuals who have hurt me and those I love but then pretend that if it’s not mentioned it’s “all good”, not worth my thoughts.
The perspective I’ve gained is that right now it’s about me and the man that I love and that’s okay. It’s okay for me to put myself first and be selfish even if it inconveniences those who aren’t worth the aggravation anyway.
So the headache is finally fading and with that, I’m off to bed. Good night and catch you on the other side of the sun.